So my Creative Writing teacher wanted all of us to try out for the Poetry Out Loud competition. You know, pick a poem from poetryoutloud.org, recite it in class, Once More With Feeling in front of her and Mr. Consiglio. A boy named Costelle got picked to be the school rep. But I got picked to be the alternate! :D

A little inspiration goes a long way. :3

Sorry about the freak-out. I'm doing better.

Christmas Money as of Christmas Day: $550
Thus far obtained: Live Free or Die Hard (Collector's Edition), Relient K - Five Score and Seven Years Ago (), The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess, and the best yet: a laptop. Yes, a laptop, complete with 2 gigs of RAM, a 250GB hard drive, a webcam, and some seriously awesome graphics and sound. The touchpad mouse is extremely wonky and likes to click when I haven't pressed the actual mouse buttons, but a peripheral mouse solves that pretty easily.

Purchased on Amazon thus far:

Rushmore, The Royal Tenenbaums, The Life Aquatic With Steve Zissou (2-Disc Special Edition), Bottle Rocket, Criminal Minds: The Complete Second Season (DVD, and if you can't tell, I love love love LOVE Wes Anderson)
Another Side and Aspects of Lloyd-Webber by John Barrowman, and Cupid? by Stabilo.
One red beanie, for Zissou Appreciation

Christmas Money Now: $300

In other news, I celebrated Christmas by reading over all of the comments that my current fanfic project has recieved, and it was full of good cheer indeed. :3 One low point was that I got dragged to church on Christmas Eve, but after the service, this lady and these two metro guys in their 20's-ish were talking to my mom, and she was like, "Oh, have you met my daughter?" and for a second me and the two guys were like, "Oh. Nice to uh. Meet you." But then me and the apparent couple had a simultaneous gaydar alarm and everyone was like, "OH HI, IT'S NICE TO MEET YOU! :D". It was pretty awesome.

I love the holidays! <3

I love those little moments where suddenly, everything just feels 100% at peace in the world.

Merry Christmas and Awesome New Year to everyone who reads this journal. You're the lights in my life, and I love you all so much.

Peace be with you in these crazy times we live in.

Oh my god, I have never been this busy in my entire life. T-T I had play rehearsals for a month and a half, I'm in the middle of a three-week stretch of about five or six different music-related events, I have five college applications to fill out with deadlines fast approaching, midterms hit one month from now, I'm in a dead-end relationship I gotta break off, and I might have a part time job soon. Plus school, plus trying to remember to take my anxiety meds, plus thinking about what I'm going to do with myself after college. During college. With what remains of my pre-college LIFE. I'm completely overwhelmed right now...

Oh, crap. ._. I think I need to buy a dress for tonight's concert. SonofaBITCH. T-T I'm so tired... just gotta keep telling myself, "it's just four more days of school and then it's winter break", thank you God. I'm going to go curl up in a corner and cry myself to sleep until three. Mom's forcing me to help her bake cookies then, and then when I tell her I might need a dress, she'll start screaming at me... hoo boy. ;_;

So dad got the Wii. :D I'm too speechless to say much about that even after 24 hours.

Goddamn though, WiiSports is a WORKOUT. I spent seven hours playing it yesterday, and today my entire upper body hurts. :< But it sure is fun. I'm awesome at Wii Boxing, but I'm really bad at Wii Golf... guess I'll just keep practicing!

...er, that is, when my back muscles stop aching. T-T

O-kay. So. The updates since last I was able to leave an entry of any significance...

1. Took the SAT and got an 1890 (on the old scale, a 1200). :D Got an 11 out of 12 on the essay, too—they gave us 25 minutes to BS philosophy, I was PISSED. But it went pretty well, and I didn't get too many math questions wrong. Problem is, ONE OF MY MATHS DIDN'T COUNT, otherwise I'd have done better than my measly 550. Ah, well.

2. I'm working on another large writing project (oh noes blind ambition D:) and I'm rather liking the characters that Sci-Fi keeps inspiring. Just wish I could make up an interesting female character, just ONCE. The ones I come up with are always super-boring.

3. I drove again recently! :3 And I did damn well. But I'm still not ready to get back on a serious road in decent traffic yet. Backroads are fine, though. \o/

4. Play rehearsals are DEATH, because Mr. Marshall just HAD to pick an overly ambitious show full of plainclothes conversation and one character (coughMINE) who constantly brings up random topics... well, at least there are no set changes.

Okay, biggest news of all... I went to a band competition (I'm a groupie :D also a bad luck charm, we had to pull over twice, nyoro~n...) last Saturday and everything was really good. And erm. Then I asked the question I always ask: "Is Delaware Military Academy here?" And they... well, they were. And Mr. Deemer went off and fetched a certain someone to reunite us after two years. I swear—Maria, she hasn't changed much. She's calmer, though... except when she first saw me, I all but leapt into her arms when I hugged her. She's strong, too, same as always. And the uniform suits her. But, anyway. We sat, we caught up, and then she brought up that whole thing from two years back. I apologized, finally finally FINALLY two years of guilt, gone. I feel like I'm fifty pounds lighter. And she forgave me, and I've never felt so free in my life. God, I missed her... but, she's still, well... her. She's still Maria, and now more than ever I'm sure that I did the right thing, because even if she was the first and last person I ever really loved, we just aren't compatible. But she's a good person at heart, and I've always known that. I just wish I could have seen that about myself these past two years....

Well, that's all my catching up. How've all of you been? Any major catastrophes? Anything awesome?

Okay, SRSLY, what are the actual odds of the router at mom's AND the router at dad's dying for two weeks? One in a thousand? A million? Several? Gah.

Well, anyway~ just popping in before school to let you know I'm not LOLDEAD or anything. :D I have lots to write about this afternoon when I get home. I posted my last entry from a friend's place just to show I hadn't vanished off the face of the earth, but now that Verizon's all straightened out with our connections all is well, and I'll be updating more. Lots to catch up on. :3

Miss you guys! ;-; School is HxC in Senior year.

I found a recording of John Barrowman singing this and I've grown terribly fond of it. Wish I could've shown Sarah before she fell for me; might've saved her some trouble. Poor kid.

I won't send roses or hold the door
I won't remember which dress you wore
My heart is too much in control
The lack of romance in my soul
Will turn you gray, kid
So stay away, kid
Forget my shoulder when you're in need
Forgetting birthdays is guaranteed
And should I love you, you would be the last to know
I won't send roses
And roses suit you so

My pace is frantic, my temper's cross
With words romantic I'm at a loss
I'd be the first one to agree
That I'm preoccupied with me
And it's inbred, kid
So keep your head, kid
In me you'll find things like guts and nerve
But not the kind things that you deserve
And so while there's a fighting chance just turn and go.
I won't send roses
And roses suit you so

In other news, I've found an awesome community for anyone who just wants to meet new people. The profiles run the gamut from simple asl+interests to insightful, fascinating introspection. Give it a look! :3 

Saw someone at Movie Night that I haven't seen for a while and remembered how fond I was of him. Maybe still am? He's in college, can't come to Jake's much since he has crazy Drumline sectionals. But it brightened things up a little, seeing him, even if he did mention that he and a girl were getting a bit serious. Ah, well. Fish, the sea, etc. And it really, really was great to just jump up out of my seat and run across Jake's living room to tackle him! A little spark of energy, y'know?

Lately I've worried there's no real point to life—like I've got nothing to look forward to. But maybe this is all there is. Just these little surprises and the little things that make me smile. Seeing people, cheering for Sci-Fi heroes, concocting metaphors, John Barrowman's singing voice, blowing up balloons and getting rained on during a Pep Rally, following the band off the field, listening to a percussionist talk about off-color visuals in performances...

If that's all there is, then I think I'm okay with that.

Oh, sure. If I were a straight kid and had pictures of a guy and girl kissing on my hard drive, that's just fine. If I were a guy who had pictures of girls kissing, well hey, that's just a guy thing to have on your computer. But GOD FORBID that, being a girl with uncertain sexuality, I should have pictures of guys snogging each other. Mom keeps saying "I don't want you having a steady diet of this stuff", but um, hello mom, I AM "THIS STUFF".

It sucks being a bisexual man stuck in a girl's body. D:

Torchwood is the only show where all my squeals and subtext-scouring are actually RIGHT ON POINT.

I mean, holy GOD. Jack Harkness. Watching episode 12 sent me into convulsions of "OH MY GOD WHAT"s of pure joy. It'd be like if Hotch suddenly grabbed Reid in the middle of a Criminal Minds episode and started snogging him.

.... DAMMIT BRITISH SLANG, IT'S BAD ENOUGH I'M STARTING TO WANT TO SAY "TELE" AND CALLED FRENCH FRIES "CHIPS" TODAY.

OH GOD I HAVE A NEW HERO.

John Barrowman. <3333 He sings, dances, he's the lead actor in Torchwood, and he's absolutely gorgeous. Also he's gay and he's been in a steady relationship for fourteen years. He's an INSPIRATION! (dreamy sigh) This man makes me want to move to England IMMEDIATELY.

I've considered Cardiff, lately, actually. People who live there apparently love it, and I do so love that accent. It'd be good for my writing to travel, too. But, hey, everything's up in the air for the next ten days. I got just ten more days to be a carefree adolescent, then I get my SAT scores and I find out what school will take me.

Ten days, huh...?

TIME TO GO WATCH SOME TORCHWOOD AND FORGET MY ANXIETIES!

DAMMIT DOCTOR WHO. YOU MAKE ME FEEL TOO MANY EMOTIONS.


CAPT. JACK HARKNESS: ANYTHING THAT MOVES. ANYTHING. THAT. MOVES.

WAIT

SONIC'S ACTUALLY BEEN CONFIRMED FOR BRAWL?!

HOLY FUCK I LOVE LIFE THIS IS GONNA BE THE BEST GAME EVER

KRISTIN ACTUALLY DID SOMETHING ON DEVIANTART

THREE CHEERS FOR LIFTED ARTIST'S BLOCK, FREE TIME, AND THE GIMP.

My report cards from the last three years: C's, D's, and the occasional B or F.

My progress report from yesterday: Five A's and a C—an 83.5% C, to be precise.

Dad's first words to me in the car when he picked me up today: "So, I see you have a C in Statistics."

WHAT THE MOTHER FUCKING FUCK, YOU DICK, I'M FINALLY DOING INCREDIBLY WELL IN SCHOOL AGAIN AND ALL YOU CAN DO IS TELL ME HOW I'M DOING "BADLY" IN STATISTICS?


Thanks so much, dad. My self esteem was JUST starting to creep back out from under the rock you forced it under LAST school year.

On the agenda for this weekend:

Torchwood (approx. 8.5 hours)
House s4 e1-3 (approx 2 hours)
Criminal Minds s3 e1-3 (approx 2 hours)
Dr. Who s1, s2 (approx. 17 hours)
Red vs. Blue s1-5 (approx. 6 hours)
Learn "Fly High" by Natsuki Rio and Kouichi Touchika (dude, switching between Miyako's and Hawkmon's voices is FUN... but the banter in the middle is a bit intimidating. :D;;; I bet Sean would do a really great job as Hawkmon. Hmm. Wonder if the school talent show allows guests? XD)
Change all particles (no, ka, ni, wo, etc) in Japanese lyrics archive to hiragana and all foreign words (FLY, IT'S ALL RIGHT, etc.) to katakana, change all memorized words to kanji.

So I recently discovered that I love Ai Maeda's voice. :D

Which is good, because something like 20% of the Digimon discography is her. xD

*sings along to song~*